Video Games: Keeping My Neck Unbroken Since 1982

As part of GameFly’s new “surprise you by sending the ninth game in your queue” business plan, I’ve been playing a lot of EA’s skate. I’ve never really liked skateboarding games in the past, and even the venerable Tony Hawk series managed to slip past me. But there’s just something about skate’s physics and seemingly unorthodox controls that make it so damned satisfying to pull off a complicated trick; it really feels like you–and not the controller–are the one who’s doing all the work. Despite its casual content, skate has a strange zen-like quality that’s hard to find in a video game.

Of course, if I even attempted anything from skate in real life, I’d be eating through a tube for the rest of my life–so I’m grateful that Electronic Arts has provided a way to live out my skateboarding fantasies without so much as a fractured tibia on my part. For as much as people like to complain that video games keep kids fat and inside, they also allow the uncoordinated–and even the disabled–to do things that would end up getting them smeared across the asphalt in real life.

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Is the Wii Stagnating Next to the DS?

When I was young, I received a curious dual-screen Game and Watch knockoff for Christmas. It was a vertical platforming game set on a pirate ship. Conditions for victory involved the finding and collecting of treasure: if the player slipped up and the pirate fell into the water, sharks would strip off the scurvy dog’s clothes. This particular death animation included a glimpse of the dead pirate’s cartoon testicles, bristling with stubble.

When Nintendo first revealed the DS, all I could think about was a naked pirate being eaten by sharks. I was not enthusiastic about the future of handheld gaming.

History proved me wrong. Once developers stopped feeling obligated to turn every game into Pointless Adventures in Stylus Scribbling (thanks for raising my blood pressure forever, Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow), we received our Elite Beat Agents and our Hotel Dusk and other gems that went above and beyond the call of Fun thanks to clever implementation of the Nintendo DS’ stylus.

When Nintendo announced the DSi, people scoffed at the built-in camera. It looks like the DSi’s little cyclops eye might already have a place in gameplay, though: A Different Game in Sweden has begun an “augmented” version of Ghostwire, an acclaimed cellphone game that lets players use their built-in cameras to find and talk to “ghosts.” By communicating with the dead and solving their riddles, you can bring them peace.

This could be the first of many original games to make use of the DSi’s hardware. It’s an exciting prospect, but it’s also made me wonder why the DS and DSi have successfully inspired developers, while innovation on the Wii remains stagnant.

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Samus Aran: Heroine or Space Harlot?

Today, the world received lovely news: all three installments of the Metroid Prime series will be collected on one Wii disc. Opinions are mixed about Metroid Prime 2 and 3, but the Gamecube’s most vocal critics shrank back from Metroid Prime like a vampire withering away from a crucifix.

As can be expected, the news of a Metroid-rich future has sparked a lot of conversation about the series’ heroine: Samus Aran. Samus is easily gaming’s most admired female character, well-liked for her steady footing, perseverance, and sense of duty. But her self-discipline doesn’t wash away her humanity, a point illustrated throughly by the climactic fight with Mother Brain at the end of Super Metroid.

Moreover, Samus retains respect for being selectively modest. If you put forth your very best performance in a Metroid game, you might catch a glimpse of the bounty hunter out-of-suit. If you slack, well, enjoy fantasizing about a big tin suit.

It’s easy to mark Metroid’s famous endings as mere fanservice, but when Samus unveils, you’re not just being rewarded with a big ol’ slice of cheesecake: you’re earning a (figuratively) naked glimpse at one of gaming’s most reserved heroes. This revelation was especially important in the 8-bit era. It wasn’t just a shock to find out that Samus was a girl: discovering that there was a happily-waving human at the core of that bulky robot suit was pretty thrilling, too. It was one of console gaming’s earliest and most important twists of character.

Now that Samus’ popularity has finally gained momentum, some gamers wonder if her appeal as character is being drained in favour of bigger slices of the aforementioned cheesecake. Samus has long avoided being made up like the same brand of gaming tart that’s available for ten cents a dozen these days, but there’s worry that might be changing.

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Video Games Don’t Have to be Fun

Shigeru Miyamoto has made statements in the past expressing his opinion that games should be fun and in depth stories weren’t necessary. It’s no surprise then that his legacy of works include some of the most joyful, entertaining, and story-lite games to grace consoles. I love Miyamoto’s work. Back when I was a child contemplating which console my dad would buy me, the NES or the Sega Master System, it was Mario that secured my decision in favor of Nintendo henceforth. That said, I am in disagreement with Miyamoto’s design philosophy. Games don’t have to be fun.

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Gaming For Two: The N64 Acquisition

This “Gaming for Two” story is not about my husband and I. It is instead about my older brother accompanying me on my trip to purchase the Nintendo 64. I assure you there are no romantic overtones between us, though we once went to a pub for some drinks and the waitress thought we were dating. It was creepy.

Modern console launches are defined by lengthy lines and steel bladders. Gamers huddle outside of stores like penguins, shielding one another from the bitter winds and the endless night. But no matter how slowly time seems to crawl, the Earth never ceases its rotation, and the time arrives at last. Merchants sling out systems like fish, we clap and cheer in response, and the morning light scatters our temporary alliance as we waddle back to our warm living rooms and enjoy our spoils.

The Nintendo 64 was the first and last game system I bought before queue culture became a part of the pastime. It was the first system I bought entirely with my own money, and it was the first system I was old enough to collect by myself, on my own terms, on launch day.

Except my parents insisted I at least bring my older brother. I did.

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The Problem With The Simpsons’ Games

I’ve been reading and enjoying Mackey’s ongoing retrospective of the mostly-atrocious retro games based on The Simpsons. Though the titles have existed throughout time, Bart’s rude antics really flooded home consoles and the PC in the late ’80s and early ’90s.

I’ve been pondering specific reasons why the older Simpsons games are so ill-bred. For ages, I figured it was a two-part problem: one, developers probably threw darts at a board to come up with concepts, and generally missed hitting any idea that might have made for a fun game. Two, The Simpsons has been a red-hot property since the day it was born, and there was an early rush to capitalise on the dysfunctional family.

I don’t think I’m far off the mark, since both shortcomings stem from a common root: in the early ’90s, it was still unclear what exactly made
The Simpsons so funny.

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Pokemon HeartGold and SoulSilver: Take Me Back to Johto

I’m not yet sure how I feel about the re-release of Pokemon Silver and Gold for the DS. I mean, I’ll be totally honest with you, here—I want a Lugia. And I don’t think I’ll have any moral objections about kneecapping kids to be first in line.

At first, I was kind of grossed out that Nintendo would be re-releasing the games “so soon,” even though both are getting significant revamps. Then I read that “HeartGold” and “SoulSilver” will also serve as tributes to the ten-year-old games. My God. My God. Just how old am I?

In my heart(Gold), I know all my angst and denial is moot. Pokemon Gold and Silver are two games that are more than worthy of modern updates. Their depth is astounding, for Game Boy games. I remember being blown away by the very concept of time-based gameplay, which let you search for and capture nocturnal Pokemon.

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I Still Hate Toon Link

Whilst browsing GoNintendo, I came across this nifty piece of fan art and the comment, “Wouldn’t it be interesting if Nintendo took Samus in this type of artistic direction? “.

Hell no.

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Box Art Worth Remembering: Ironsword

Video game box art doesn’t necessarily have to be bad or good to make an impression. It can be curious, or baffling, or appealing to a specific age group, like nine-year-old girls.

Ironsword: Wizards and Warriors II was a game I inexplicably loved as a child. Not surprisingly, I didn’t re-capture Kuros Fever when I played the game again years later: it’s an average platformer at best, with a couple of catchy tunes and treacherous, vertical terrain that’s hard enough to navigate without dealing with controls as slippery as a frog’s ass.

I’m afraid the box art for Ironsword is what held me in thrall back then. I was too naive to blunt my fantasies by imagining “Kuros” first thing in the morning, sticky-eyed and sour-mouthed, preparing his kids’ school sandwiches while letting slip a fart at minute intervals. The strange thing about my crush on Ironsword is that I’ve never had a crush on Fabio, even during the most airheaded years of my journey through puberty. What pulled me in? Kuros’ wind-tossed hair? The conveyed sense of danger? The knockoff WWE championship belt?

The fog of infatuation cleared when a friend of mine also saw the cover, and made an astute remark:

“Hey, you ever notice how video game box art has, like, some big muscled guy with something just barely covering his balls? And when you turn on the game, you get a stick figure instead?”

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Waggle to Live: Feel and Survival Horror’s New Nintendo Home

Both the old-guard and the new school of survival horror have, like a zombie-plague infected lab assistant, transformed on high-definition consoles. While Sony’s remake of Siren and Konami’s close-but-no-cigar Silent Hill: Homecoming stuck close to Shinji Mikami’s classic formula of limited-resources, limited-mobility scares, everyone else has upped their ammo count and gone with action as their template. Resident Evil 5, Condemned, Dead Space and even the granddaddy of them all, Alone in the Dark, have left behind flight and embraced fight on the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. It’s interesting then that classic survival horror is enjoying something of a renaissance on a console best known for low-impact exercise and county fair simulations.

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