Videogames: A Complete History, From the Beginning of Time to the End
Written by Joe Bernardi
After our Metal Gear Solid 2 Day celebration, it occurred to us that several of the best videogames of all time (and Dino Crisis 2) take place at specific points in our calendar. We here at 61FPS recognize that we must both learn from the follies of the past as well as be aware of our impending future. From civilization’s uneventful birth to its death at the hands of nuclear bombs, robots, and the devil, we hereby present the past and future according to videogames.
January 1, 4000 B.C. – Civilization begins, according to Sid Meier
In which Sid Meier tells us when it all began. Note: Meier was the first to point out that building giant pyramids prevents anarchy. Who are we to disagree?
December 24, 1924 – Alone in the Dark 2
Depending on your attitude towards experiencing supernatural terror versus spending an evening with your family, in 1924 Supernatural Detective Edward Camby had either the best or the worst Christmas ever.
September 3, 1943 – Metro City mayor and Final Fight star Mike Haggar born
In which it is revealed in Metro City Hospital’s Natal Ward that Hagar was born with that mustache.
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Tags: alone in the dark, civ, civilization, Fallout, fallout 2, fallout 3, final fight, house of the dead, joe Bernardi, mega man x, resident evil, silent hill, street fighter, xcom
Sweatin’ With Sagat: The Ten Best Capcom Fighting Songs for Exercise, part 2
Written by Cyriaque Lamar
5.) Vampire Hunter – “Anakaris Stage”
Recommended Workout: The King Tut.
Many 2D fighter instrumentals rely on a maelstrom of carpal-tunnel-inducing keytar shredding and breakbeats so baffling that they would make The Prodigy go honest. Trust our phaphorite pharaoh (sorry) Anakaris to flip the script and nab a theme that sounds like a Soulsonic Force B-side. This totally reminds me of that nine-minute Michael Jackson video with Eddie Murphy in it.
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Tags: Capcom vs snk, cyberbots, Cyriaque lamar, darkstalkers, larry oji, marvel superheroes, marvel vs Capcom, marvel vs capcom 2, ocremix, overclocked remix, street fighter alpha 2, street fighter ii, street fighter III, street fighter iv, super street fighter ii hd remix, top ten, vampire savior, x-men vs street fighter
Sweatin’ With Sagat: The Ten Best Capcom Fighting Songs for Exercise, part 1
Written by Cyriaque Lamar
One’s not born a street fighter — you have to train, eat right and, in Blanka’s case, furiously hump electrical sockets. In this regard, exercise and Capcom fighting songs are natural complements. Two weeks ago, I taught you how to fornicate to Atari music; in my never-ending quest to score your entire existence with digital noise, I present to you the best Capcom themes to practice your hadoukens at the gym. Each entry tells you why the jam is bumping and I let you know precisely what bumping should be done to it. So you know, you’re not impressing the blonde on the stair climber — she thinks you’re doing Zumba.
10.) Street Fighter III 2nd Impact – “Crowded Street”
Recommended Workout: The Hong Kong Marathon.
As far as Street Fighter III soundtracks go, 3rd Strike is the most renowned for dabbling in jungle and acid jazz. This forgotten gem from 2nd Impact also deserves recognition for its spirited tribute to Lalo Schifrin’s score to Enter the Dragon. There’s not an iota of truth in that statement, but hey, you’re standing in the shadow of my soapbox now.
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Tags: Capcom vs snk, cyberbots, Cyriaque lamar, darkstalkers, larry oji, marvel superheroes, marvel vs Capcom, marvel vs capcom 2, ocremix, overclocked remix, street fighter alpha 2, street fighter ii, street fighter III, street fighter iv, super street fighter ii hd remix, top ten, vampire savior, x-men vs street fighter
Ryu vs. Sub-Zero vs. Shaq: The Ten Most Absurd M.U.G.E.N. Battles, part 2
Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade.
5.) Apocalypse & Ultraman vs. Onslaught & Galactus
If you thought that Predator brawl was bad, get an eyeful of this. Two giant bosses from the Marvel vs. Capcom series, a homemade Galactus, and, for no reason whatsoever, Ultra-freaking-man. This is a fanboy’s wet dream distilled down into some 100 proof nerdgasm firewater. If Jerry Bruckheimer owned an animation studio, every one of its movies would look like this, but with Martin Lawrence’s disembodied voice screaming from the Technicolor void.
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Tags: arcade, cd I, Cyriaque lamar, duck hunt, family guy, final fight, genesis, Kirby, luigi, mario, marvel vs Capcom, moonwalker, mortal kombat, mugen, nes, nintendo, predator, primal rage, Robocop, sega, shaq fu, star wars, street fighter, Teenage mutant ninja turtles, the legend of Zelda, the Simpsons, top ten
Ryu vs. Sub-Zero vs. Shaq: The Ten Most Absurd M.U.G.E.N. Battles, part 1
Cyriaque Lamar is a New York-based writer with a New Jersey-bred weltanschauung. He’s had original work published at Cracked.com and performed at The New York International Fringe Festival. Cyriaque is thrilled to contribute to 61FPS, as it brings him one step closer to his childhood dream of living on the set of Nick Arcade.
Do you spend your free time wondering whether E. Honda could best Fat Albert in a sumo match? Then the M.U.G.E.N. game engine is your one-way ticket to the funny farm. Since 1999, this free computer program has allowed fighting enthusiasts to create dream matches using just about every pugilist ever to grace a 2D arena. The game also accommodates a jaw-dropping array of homebrewed characters. (Want to see Chun-Li spar with Dark Phoenix, Chain Chomp and a killer whale? Of course you do.) Selecting those fights that most embody the game’s WTF ethos is a Herculean task. Nonetheless, your correspondent here at 61FPS braved hundreds of YouTube clips to bring you those brawls so utterly baffling that they flip your reality head-over-ass and invite you to an insane 32-bit block party where Blanka’s doing bong rips and Sonya Blade’s giving Haohmaru a hummer behind the garage.
10.) Kirby vs. Kintaro
What do you get when you pit Nintendo’s own tensile titan against this Clash of the Titans wannabe from Mortal Kombat 2? A smackdown of Ray Harryhausen-sized proportions. There are few things more inspiring than watching everyone’s favorite Plasticine puffball kick the ever-loving crud out of Goro’s brother-in-arms. This is like Rudy for anyone who had a Nintendo Power subscription circa 1995.
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Tags: arcade, cd I, Cyriaque lamar, duck hunt, family guy, final fight, genesis, Kirby, luigi, mario, marvel vs Capcom, moonwalker, mortal kombat, mugen, nes, nintendo, predator, primal rage, Robocop, sega, shaq fu, star wars, street fighter, Teenage mutant ninja turtles, the legend of Zelda, the Simpsons, top ten
John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself. 
Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.
Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.
Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines.
Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.
Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.
Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.
