The E3 Soup - What Will Joel McHale Say?
John’s at E3 right now. I’m not. He promised to text me when anything exciting happens, but we all know that’s not going to happen. No, instead I get to sit here at my desk working on other things and imagining what kind of wacky shenanigans are going down in LA.
To make matters worse, Ubisoft announced last week that comedian Joel McHale of E!’s The Soup fame would be hosting their E3 press conference. My mind has been atwitter with anticipation ever since. What celebrities will be unfairly mocked in association with what games? The only problem is we still don’t know much about what Ubisoft will be showing this year. Assassin’s Creed 2, for sure. Rabbids Go Home, definitely. Red Steel 2, most likely. No More Heroes 2, possibly? Um… Petz? Shaun White World Tour? Ah, damn you Ubisoft for giving me so little fodder for Soup-style celebrity ridicule.
As long as I’m imagining it all anyway, let’s pretend McHale is hosting EA’s press conference, okay? Much better. Here’s what I think the Soup star would have to say about some of EA’s big properties, given the opportunity: Continue reading »
Comments: (0)
Tags: assassin's creed, comedy, dante's inferno, derrick sanskrit, e3, ea, half-life, hunter s. thompson, joel mchale, lenny bruce, lindsay lohan, need for speed, no more heroes, press conference, rabbids go home, red steel, shaun white, ssx, the soup, ubisoft
Yahtzee Reminds Us To Always Bet On Duke - There’s A Dice Joke In Here Somewhere
Remember Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw? His brand of monotone sarcastic animated game reviews dripping with visual puns and wit were all the rage on the internet over a year ago. Yahtzee has of course begun to suffer the fate of all internet celebrities in that people stopped being so charmed by his ire, and regardless of whether the blame lies with the audience for growing bored or with Yahtzee for growing boring, people have stopped watching. It’s a bit of a shame, too, because this week’s review would be deemed “classic” if the world of internet video reviews permitted such a term.
A remarkable change of pace, Yahtzee chose this week to review Duke Nukem Forever, a game which he loved sincerely and sings the praises of its designers for waitaminute… Duke Nukem Forever? Continue reading »
Comment: (1)
Tags: 3d realms, adam sessler, comedy, derrick sanskrit, duke nukem forever, yahtzee
Drunk Japanese Man Plays Super Mario Land, Millions Entertained
I have to thank my friends over at the GameSpite forums for pointing me in the direction of the following video. Until a few minutes ago, my day has been boring, errand-filled, and–like every minute of my life–clouded with hatred of Super Mario Land. Then, I watched an exuberant and possibly drunk Japanese man narrate his attempts at the game in delightfully broken English, and I can say my life is now a little brighter. I’m not sure what kind of substances have to be ingested or inhaled to bust out a “Woo!” or “Oh yeah!” every ten seconds while playing this primitive platformer, but I’m thinking about scouring my local dark alleys tonight for a supplier.
Video after the cut.
Comments: (0)
Tags: bob mackey, comedy, game boy, humor, super mario land, video, youtube
John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself. 
Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Nerve, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.
Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.
Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines.
Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.
Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.
Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.
