Lemondrop’s Isabel Pen has found the solution to those winter nights of sobbing quietly in front of your bricked-over fireplace: the cuddle boy.

Luckily, Pen gives us a full breakdown of the how, where, what, and why of finding, obtaining, and keeping a cuddle bud, defined as “more than a sex doll, less than a boyfriend, but loads more affectionate than the typical one-night stand.” We have to confess the only reason we’re mentioning this is because we always wish we could have a friend who just came over to be a warm body on the couch and in bed sometimes. And now we have an excuse– it’s on the internet, so it must be cool.

Some examples of what to look for:

1) Not a boyfriend
The calling cards of the perfect Cuddle Buddy are a pair of boxer shorts for you to slip into, an extensive movie collection, and a panoply of take-out menus. But be warned that the boyfriend-like plumage and obsequious nesting behaviors of a Cuddle Buddy are merely ornamental.

The Cuddle Buddy’s sweet embrace and offerings of Chinese takeout are never motivated by true emotional attachment.

2) Not a one-night stand
By virtue of his attachment to his couch, flat-screen TV and (let’s face it) cannabis and/or high, ineffective doses of anti-depressants, the Cuddle Buddy exhibits the narcoleptic tendencies of a koala bear.

On a serious note, when you can’t get a boyfriend and don’t want just keep having one-night stands to stave off those December blues, why not try this?

Image.

Share this article: