Guys, I don’t even know. Can you really “list” something that clearly comes from beyond the borders of our dimension, and may not even adhere to the concepts of mathematics as we know them? YES!

So, the video for Lady Gaga’s new single, “Bad Romance,” is out. (Working title: “Bad Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.”) You can watch it here, and then, once the screaming is done, you can join me for a list of the best/scariest moments from the video itself.

10. Hello Gaga:

Fun fact: this is how Lady Gaga actually sees other people.
9. PETA is going to be pissed:

I’m not gonna lie: I kind of want that coat.

8. A trip to the moon:

What does it say when I see Lady Gaga and a troupe of dancers impersonating a group of aliens from a 1902 French sci-fi film and think, “Yes, that makes sense”?

7. Mistress of the Dark:

Elvira gave a recent interview about how she had searched for a replacement, but couldn’t find the right girl. I HAVE A SUGGESTION! That is some straight-up corny-gothic humor right there.

6. A geleé of organic fava beans and a nice bottle of Cristal:

In case you needed to know what a Eurotrash Hannibal Lecter looked like.

5. This cat is the Devil:

1. Don’t get it wet. 2. Don’t feed it after midnight.

4. Species 3:

Gay men can’t resist her. Mankind may not survive her.

3. Please let this be CGI:

Gollum?

2. Sunglasses to replace your inferior “emotions” with the cool ration of wires and steel for:

Number five is alive!

1. I give up:

I think I’m drunk now.

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